We said yet another goodbye to our son this week. He was finally able to visit us for a few weeks from his base in Europe. The weeks went way too fast and before we knew it, we were returning to the airport, putting on brave faces and waving as his diminishing silhouette disappeared down the corridor to boarding.

Being a parent is a tough gig. It begins with a painful process aptly named labour. This is followed by sleep deprivation, 24/7 on-call, while constantly questioning yourself. This little human, who is dependent on you for everything, has changed life as you know it. Of course, being the sun in your little one’s life comes with great rewards. There is nothing better than witnessing the love in your child’s adoring eyes or receiving their hugs or their finger painting portrait of you.

Of course, you can’t get too comfortable on your pedestal, the teen years are looming. The child who held your hand is now pushing you away. As they go through the process of finding their own identity they may even seem like a stranger to you. These years test your resolve, your patience, your ability to keep your mouth shut when picking your battles. You may wonder where you went wrong when you see your child mess up. You worry about their complicated world that is so different to the one you grew up in. You grow frustrated with the condition of your relationship. 

Then one day when you least expect it, you feel something shift. The push-pull has subsided and you see glimpses of the person they are becoming. It’s then time to build a new relationship with your grown-up child. You are no longer their sun, but you can be their moon. You can provide them with direction when needed and light in their dark moments. Like the phases of the moon, there will be times when they need the fullness of your light and there will be times when your input is insignificant. Putting aside your expectations and simply being available ensures that your child knows where to find a safe harbour when life gets rough.

If you perform your role well, you are rewarded with confident offspring who will carve their own path in places near or distant from you. It can be heart-wrenching to support your child’s choice when you secretly want to sabotage it because of how it affects you. I’m experienced at that! 

However, I remind myself that my connection and influence will always remain with my children. We had them on loan for a few precious years and during that formative period, we sowed values, wisdom, lessons and a whole lot of love.

The day after our farewell, we received a message from our son. “Made it to the couch after lunch and a shower. Missing you already but my heart is full of love and memories.” Parents, it may seem like a tough gig at times but parenting is life’s most important and rewarding gig of all.

Linda Gray
 linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
 0401 517 243