This week we consider the second habit in Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families. Habit Two is ‘Begin with the end in mind’.

Every successful organisation has a mission statement – its purpose, where it is heading and how to get there. The family is the most important fundamental organisation in the world, yet few families have an explicit vision for what they want to achieve. Imagine constructing a building without any plans. Without a family blueprint, we are swept along by whatever life throws at us, managing day-to-day, dictated by emotions and mood, without any sense of purpose or destination in mind.

Covey suggests creating a family mission statement through deciding what kind of family you really want to be and identifying the principles that will help you get there. This important decision will give context to all the other decisions you make along the way. It becomes your objective, acting like a powerful magnet that draws you toward it, while assisting you to keep on track with what is important to you.

A useful question in developing a family mission statement is: What kind of strength and abilities will our children need to have in order to be successful adults? When we were new parents, my husband and I discussed what was important to sow into our children. We wanted our children to grow into compassionate, confident and capable adults. This goal became the lens through which we viewed our parenting. It guided our decisions on the activities we would be involved in, our daily habits, our family discussions and the opportunities we gave our children.

Creating a family mission statement of how you want your family to be, is a bonding activity you can do with your partner and, if you are a parent, your children. Have a family meeting and brainstorm ideas. Questions that generate discussion could include:
- What kind of family do we really want to be?
- What kind of home would you like to invite your friends to?
- How do you think we could be better parents?
- What embarrasses you about our family?
- What makes you feel comfortable here?
- What do we want to be remembered for?

If your children can write, encourage them to make a list of what is important to them. Schedule a meeting to share everyone’s ideas and discuss together why these are important. Getting every family member involved creates mutual ownership of the vision for your family. From your discussions, come up with a mission statement that honours everyone’s contribution. Putting your mission statement on display in your home provides not only a destination but a compass to guide your family’s direction. Keep yourselves accountable by regularly asking – “how well are we living up to what we decided to be and do?” Your destination and manner of travelling are interwoven. When the destination represents quality of family life and relationships, there is no separation between the destination and how we get there. Begin with the end in mind.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au