Who remembers the TV comedy show Thank God You’re Here? Celebrity contestants were given a costume to dress up in and then directed through the infamous blue door on to a stage play in which they were the lead actor. They had to quickly figure out the plot and improvise their lines while the other characters fired questions at them.

The blue door was the point where the host would banter with the anxious contestant who had no idea what awaited them. We all experience ‘blue door’ moments. Those times when we are about to venture into the unknown; tackle a new challenge; commence a different role; initiate a new relationship. There is uncertainty as to what we are about to dive into and whether we will be able to keep up with whatever we face.

Sometimes we have our hand on the door handle when fear takes hold. We overthink what unseen possibilities await us, convincing ourselves that we are not equipped for whatever lies beyond.

None of us begin new experiences with competence; we learn through experience. What we need to get off the starting blocks is courage. Taking that first step through the blue door requires bravery. Once we venture through the door, however, we often fail to acknowledge our brave act. Instead, we proceed to beat ourselves up for any mistakes we make, believing we should get things perfectly right from the start. We try to hide our lack of competence from others as if it is something we should be ashamed of.

At a training course I attended, the facilitator posed the question, “Who here has felt a fraud, that they don’t really measure up and at times they have no idea what they are doing?” I was surprised and somewhat comforted by the response. Nearly every person in the room put their hand up. This was a room full of experienced practitioners. Imposter syndrome affects just about all of us and robs us of confidence. We believe that we are not as competent as others perceive us to be. We worry that someone will expose us; that it will become transparent that we don’t know how to do things, or that we are completely inept. Imposter syndrome gets in the way of authentic analysis and feeling capable and satisfied with what we are doing. Develop a realistic picture of your accomplishments by noticing your successes. Notice when you are being self-critical and foster a more constructive way of relating to yourself. Not only will your competence will grow but so too will your confidence.

When facing a ‘blue door moment’ dig deep into your well of courage, it will carry you until you become competent. Whether in a new role or a new relationship, ask questions and don’t hide behind a facade of knowing it all. Courage, competence, confidence; three essential ingredients that take us from our blue door to a lead role on the stage that is our life.

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243