We learnt a valuable lesson this week. Returning from a holiday is not an appropriate time for a shopping trip to Bunnings! On our way back from a Gold Coast stay over with friends, we called into Bunnings for a ‘few’ essentials.

Returning to the car with an overflowing trolley, we realised our error of judgement regarding the capacity of our car. All contents had to be removed and reorganised. Our holiday luggage occupied one Bunnings parking spot and our purchases another while we maximised every square centimetre of Mazda interior. Years of playing Tetris finally came in handy! Thirty minutes later we were on the cramped homeward bound journey.

There are situations that cross our path requiring us to take on board an extra load. It could be the ageing of our parents, our partner becoming unemployed, a home renovation, an extra busy time at work, a friend going through a difficult time. There are seasons when we are able to devote more of ourselves to a particular cause without detrimental impact on our daily functioning.

There are also times in our lives when we have limited capacity to carry more load. For example, we might be already facing a period of increased responsibility and pressure, ill-health, loss or transition. All of these circumstances give added weight to our load and reduce the capacity we have to take on more.

Sometimes the responsibilities we take on are so gradual that we barely notice the increased cargo until something happens to push us over the edge and before we realise it, we’re stranded by the roadside with four flat tyres! 

The window of tolerance is a concept originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel to describe the optimal zone for a person to function in everyday life. When a person is operating within this zone or window, they can effectively manage and cope with their emotions. Within our window of tolerance, we are able to reflect, think rationally, and make decisions calmly without feeling either overwhelmed or withdrawn. Outside of our window the thinking brain shuts down, in a manner of speaking, affecting the ability to think rationally. Emotions can become intense and difficult to manage. We find ourselves easily losing patience with colleagues, other drivers, family members. Our ability to concentrate may be impeded or perhaps our body starts to show signs of stress.

Personality influences our window of tolerance, however, the environment is a considerable factor. External pressures can reduce your coping window significantly, so it's important to be aware of how much cargo you have onboard so you don’t over-estimate your capacity. When faced with the prospect of added responsibility, take a plausible assessment of how much you already carry. You can do all the re-arranging of your schedule and cramming in as much as physically possible, but will you make it to your destination with your health and relationships intact? Give yourself space for enjoyment and time for those you love. 

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243