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12-11-2020
Column: Relationships - BOUNDARIES
Column: Relationships - BOUNDARIES
mine and not-mine. It is a line that divides what I am responsible for and can change and what I am not responsible for and cannot change. When I state my preferences and let the other state theirs, we find the distance at which the relationship will accommodate us both.
We tend to adopt unhelpful boundary patterns when feeling anxious, insecure or uncertain. They are usually patterns that we were exposed to in our family culture and can be default patterns we unconsciously fall into.
The first is compliance. Some of us find it hard to say no but relationships work best when boundaries are clear. When we don’t assertively express our needs or preferences our boundaries are invisible to others. We live in hope that the other person will work out our boundaries. When they don’t, we respond dysfunctionally with resentment or completely cutting off the relationship without explanation. Value your own self enough to hold on to what is important to you. Knowing what you want and choosing to put it aside for love of

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