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11-03-2021
Column: Relationships - KVETCHING CIRCLES
Column: Relationships - KVETCHING CIRCLES
Draw a circle and in it write the name of the person/people in the centre of the crisis. Draw a larger circle around it and write others impacted by the crisis. Continue drawing larger circles, first placing significant others; place close friends in the next circle; then comes relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, etc until on the outer is everyone else.
This is what Silk and Goldman call a “kvetching order”. Kvetch is an old Yiddish word that means to moan and complain. The person in the centre ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and say, “Life is unfair” and “Why me?” to whomever she chooses. Other people can say these things too, but the rule is only kvetch to those in a circle larger than yours.
When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the centre of the trauma, the goal is to bring comfort. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you’re going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you a

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