Column: Relationships - OVERCOMING GRIDLOCK

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Column

29-10-2020

Sixty nine per cent of couple conflicts are perpetual issues, cycles of repetitive themes. Perpetual issues are differences of values, beliefs, personalities. These issues have no obvious solution; they can’t be simply resolved, so couples tend to become stuck in gridlock, a dead-end argument that leaves partners feeling unheard and disregarded.
To navigate your way out of gridlock you firstly have to understand its cause. Gridlock is a sign that you both have hopes and aspirations that aren’t being addressed or respected by each other. These hopes are often a part of your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life.
The difficulty is that these hopes are often buried deep and are not always accessible to ourselves or others. Sometimes we get inordinately heated over what seems a trivial issue. You can be sure that the issue is symbolic of a cherished value. For example, a couple might disagree over whether to have family dinners at the dining table or in front of the television. For one partner famil

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