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22-10-2020
Column: Relationships - PRINCIPLE FIVE
Column: Relationships - PRINCIPLE FIVE
There are two types of conflict between couples – perpetual and solvable conflicts. What is a solvable conflict? Solvable conflicts feel less painful or intense than perpetual ones. When you argue over a solvable problem your focus is only on a particular dilemma or situation without reverberating into other areas of your life together.
How we bring up an issue is vital. A harsh start up in the form of an accusation guarantees you are either bound for a heated debate or your partner will shut down the conversation altogether. Discussions invariably end on the same note they begin, so softening your startup devoid of criticism or attack offers the best prospect for a favourable outcome. Describe how you feel about the particular issue and how it affects you. Look for positive ways to frame your case. For example, instead of saying “We never go out anywhere” try “Remember when we used to go on a regular date? I loved spending alone time with you, and it made me feel good knowing you wanted to be with me too. L

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