I recently read an article on Eileen Kramer, Australian dancer, choreographer, writer and painter. Eileen currently writes film scripts and choreographs dances. What makes this so extraordinary is that Eileen is 108 years of age and has no plans to retire.

Some people regret choices made in their past and live with a sense that it’s too late for them to begin a new career path or enjoy healthy relationships. They are so fixated on the rear view mirror that they fail to see the forward vista through the windscreen. As a result, they live a directionless life. The contrast between rear view watchers and Eileen is the attitude that life is a gift to be embraced.
No doubt, Eileen has had her share of disappointments in her long life. Who hasn’t? It’s easy to embrace life when we’re achieving our dreams, enjoying success and everything is going well. However, life eventually tends to throw some curve balls: loss of a loved one, health crisis, retrenchment, financial loss, a break-up. These challenges can hit us with unexpected force, knocking us off our planned trajectory.
Our first task is to stop and recover. We need time to reset and process what our loss means. Give yourself permission to experience arising emotions. Carl Jung once said, “The word happiness would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.” Every emotion teaches us about ourselves and what is important to us. While it may be painful, grief can be a helpful companion guiding us to a new normal.
If your new normal isn’t something you envisaged, it’s necessary to arrive at a place of acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with, liking, or thinking positively about a situation. It means just being okay with it and being aware that this new change cannot be controlled. When we start the process of acceptance, we make space for a new perspective and come up with the energy to adjust. We are able to see change as an opportunity for a new routine, a new interest, a new outlook. Have a good look through your windscreen and notice what you haven’t lost. In the seismic shift it’s easy to become consumed by loss, losing sight of what you still have. Appreciate what remains, adjust your expectations and reevaluate your priorities. This will help you develop new goals.
The biography of your life has many chapters. Not all chapters are happy stories. Some chapters are objectively difficult. Write a story about how you coped in this time in order to make it as good as it can be. Remind yourself that all chapters have an end, there are more chapters to be written. This will help avoid feeling engulfed and offer hope for a brighter future.
None of us know how much time we have on this planet and how many chapters we will write, so keep making plans like Eileen while the making the most of every day like it’s your last.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243