Relationships are never stagnant- they are ever changing in response to changes within and outside of ourselves. Consider the relationship between a parent and child. It begins with total dependence on the parent who is the infant’s whole world. Inevitably, a slow growing distance ensues when the child asserts their independence. You may have experienced learning to negotiate an adult-to-adult relationship with your child. Eventually you’ll notice the dynamic has turned. Your son is chastising you about your limits while he relieves you of the heavy object you’re carrying. Your daughter who once begged you to make her a Minnie Mouse birthday cake is now organising your birthday parties. You no longer feel like the parent in the relationship.

Friendships are also dynamic. We have seasons where friendships are particularly strong. We enjoy shared circumstances: living in the same neighbourhood, colleagues in the same organisation, school parents, members of a club. Then the season ends and though we might make an effort to keep in touch, the friendship becomes a lesser priority as new people enter our life.
How do our partner relationships change? They start with the ‘can’t-get-enough-of-you’ stage. A cocktail of adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin causes us to feel besotted with each other. The intensity eventually fades from passionate to companionate love. From a heightened sense of positive emotion toward our partner, our perspective transitions to something more realistic. The relationship grows in commitment, intimacy and teamwork.
If you’re with someone long-term, it’s natural to grow and change as a couple. When someone mentions that their partner has changed it often comes from a place of resentment. We spend a lot of time focusing on the negative aspects of change because we like familiarity. It’s safe and predictable. Remember that change isn’t always detrimental or a threat to the relationship.
Some relationship changes can be difficult, particularly those involving loss. When one partner loses capacity through illness or ageing, the relationship dynamic shifts. An adjustment in expectations is required as the couple navigate their way through uncharted territory. If this is your situation hold on to and treasure that which you still have. Keep sharing routines that have been an important part of your life together.
If you are caring for a partner it’s vital to keep in mind there are two people in the relationship, and your needs are equally important. The shift of focus to your mate can make this easy to forget, but you won’t be happy if your needs aren’t met. Know and express your needs to your partner. It gives them opportunity to show care for you or give you the space you need to have your needs met too.
It might seem scary to think that things won’t always be the same, but as long as you are both willing to embrace life’s ups and downs as a team, there’s no reason to fear. See change as an opportunity to grow something in you. Why not try something new today?
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243