This time of year brings joy and anticipation but also stress. A common stress is the decision of what to buy for loved ones. There’s valid reasons why we feel this pressure. We want to clearly communicate our love and appreciation through our gift giving. Gift exchanges reveal how people think about others, what they value and enjoy, and how they build and maintain relationships. Much research has been conducted on the various aspects of gift giving and receiving. There is, in fact, a whole area of psychology dedicated to the subject of how gifts affect relationships.

When we give a gift, we generally have two goals. The first is to make the recipient happy and the second is to strengthen the relationship between giver and recipient. It may seem obvious, but if you want to make someone happy, give them a gift they would buy for themselves. People sometimes use gifts as jokes, encouragement to change one’s ways or to signal something about themselves. These types of gifts rarely bring happiness to the giver.

Relationships are strengthened by a thoughtful gift that communicates ‘I know you’. Successful gift-giving is a result of spending time really getting to know the person. Often, it is a lack of intimate knowledge that keeps us in the dark as to what to give. Knowing what someone is like is different to knowing what they would like to receive. You could assume that someone who is into gardening would appreciate a plant but spending time with them might reveal other interests or dreams to pursue a new hobby. Rather than focusing on a gift that matches someone’s stable traits, think about the person’s multiple varying wants and needs.

Research has found little correlation between the monetary value of the gift and recipient’s happiness. It is the thoughtfulness of the gift that counts. Even a gift card can communicate that you know where their favourite things can be found and you want them to have the pleasure of selecting exactly what they like best.

Research also shows that money spent on doing provides more enduring happiness than money spent on having. Giving an experience produces greater improvements in relationship strength than material gifts, regardless of whether the gift is consumed together. According to research, the relationship improvements that recipients derive from experiential gifts stem from the emotion that is evoked when the gifts are consumed, rather than when the gifts are received. Experiences create anticipation, making the days or weeks leading to the event more pleasurable. The event itself can create long lasting memories and emotional attachment.

The most precious gift you can give this Christmas is the gift of yourself. Spend quality time with your loved ones. Sit down, have a conversation and get to know each other more deeply. If you do that well, come next Christmas you’ll both know exactly what gift to get each other. Have a blessed season, stay safe and look out for one another.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au