Last week I was waiting to turn left at a T-junction when a vehicle approached, indicating that it was turning into my street. I pulled out and was startled by a blaring horn behind me. In my rear view mirror I could see an angry driver glaring at me. I was grateful I can’t lip read! I wanted to communicate with the other driver and explain to them that their indicator was on, but I had no way of doing so. Meanwhile, this driver was experiencing misplaced anger which likely dissipated into embarrassment when they eventually noticed the indicator signal.

The obvious reason I couldn’t communicate with the other driver was that I was in my vehicle, and they were in theirs. Just as physical vehicles can make communication with one another difficult, so can the vehicles that drive our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. In our relationships, we will often encounter intersections – moments when our viewpoints cross one another. Instead of dialogue, we may sit tight in our position, trying to read one another’s faulty signals. Without authentic discussion and feedback, we can easily misinterpret each others' intentions.

Misinterpretation causes us to become unnecessarily angry with someone whom we think has committed a violation against us. We get ourselves all worked up, ruminating over the incident and rehearsing in our mind how we’ll confront them. Then later, once we learn the whole story, we realise how we have contributed to the misunderstanding.

It’s more important than ever to be mindful of the harm that can eventuate at intersections, where two viewpoints come together. We are living in a time of uncertainty. The constant threat of disease is adding a layer of concern and stress, particularly for our most vulnerable. We are required to keep informed about ever-changing rules and restrictions. There are many voices in the public space, expressing contradictory opinions. Confusion, indecision, uncertainty is causing an increase in our general anxiety. In this environment, the likelihood of disagreement skyrockets.

I have witnessed the impact of this increased tension on families and friendships. Diverging views often have individuals heading for the driver’s seat in their vehicle of belief and railroading their way through the intersection. The result of this is disconnection, hurt and, ultimately, regret. Now, more than ever, we need to be respectful of one another’s opinions and concerns.

We all want to be right and to do the right thing. We also want affirmation that our opinion is right so that we feel supported in our choices. When faced with an opinion that is contrary to ours, it can make us feel uneasy and we can feel the need to shut that opinion down. Keep in mind that while your decision is right for you, someone else is making a contrary decision for legitimate reasons. Let’s not divide ourselves into those who are ‘right’ and those who are ‘wrong’. This type of black and white thinking denies the complexity of our current circumstances.
Understanding and acceptance will navigate us through this pandemic.

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243