Obesity is hard, getting fit is hard… choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard, being financially disciplined is hard… choose your hard.
Communicating is hard, not communicating is hard... choose your hard.
Making new friends is hard, isolation is hard... choose your hard.
Marriage is hard, divorce is hard... choose your hard.
Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard.
Choose wisely.

Wise words that challenge the belief that life should be easier than it is. Some hold on to hope that advancements in technology will improve life in general. In the late 1960s a group of globally-renowned scientists forecast their predictions for the year 2000. Their predictions included the elimination of bacterial and viral diseases, elimination of world hunger, 20 hour working weeks and an average retirement age of 40. How wrong they were!

Former prime minister Malcolm Fraser was slammed for his statement “Life wasn’t meant to be easy”. Actually, his statement is a partial quote from George Bernard Shaw’s play Methuselah: ‘Life is not meant to be easy, my child, but take courage, for it can be delightful.’

It becomes problematic when we search for the delightful, expecting that we will find it in the easy experiences of life. We judge a relationship on whether it is easy sailing, meeting our needs and fulfilling our desires. When it becomes hard work, we are disappointed because our expectations were not met. We begin believing that the grass is greener in another paddock. However, the reality is that tending the other paddock comes with the same hard work.

It’s a myth that finding a great relationship is like finding a treasure box full of everything we have longed for: companionship, intimacy, romance, affirmation. Every relationship starts as an empty box. You must put something in before you can take something out. It requires hard work to fill the box: a commitment to giving, serving, praising, encouraging, patience, apologies, forgiveness. It takes mutual effort from both parties for the box to be filled. Easy Street is not where you find flourishing relationships. They are forged in the challenges and messiness of life.

Certainly, life shouldn’t be a continual stream of difficulties. If it feels that way, then you may need to consider accessing support. However, in life we cannot avoid the hard stuff. We are wired to follow the path of least resistance but constantly avoiding challenges in search of a seemingly easier path has an eventual cost. Choosing to confront your hard today can potentially make your tomorrow easier.

Life is a combination of the decisions we make and the events we have no control over. Nevertheless, we can choose how we respond to the latter. It’s hard to be gracious in defeat, at peace when facing loss, letting go when you want to hold on ­– but the alternatives may be even harder. Make wise decisions about which hard you will choose.

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243