A dear friend recently shared this poignant post on Facebook:

To love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be. The people they are too exhausted to be any longer. The people they grew out of, the people they never ended up growing into.
We so badly want the people we love to get their spark back when it burns out, to become speedily found when they are lost. But it is not our job to hold anyone accountable to the people they used to be. It is our job to travel with them between each version and to honour what emerges along the way. Sometimes it will be an even more luminescent flame. Sometimes it will be a flicker that temporarily floods the room with a perfect and necessary darkness. (by Heidi Priebe)
As those we love grow older and their youthful charisma and energy fades, we can fall into the trap of making unfavourable comparisons with the past. It’s possible to get stuck in our perception of how they used to be. Perhaps you were attracted by his athleticism. Perhaps it was a zest for life or a belief they could take on the world. Maybe it was the care she took in her personal appearance. The reality is that your mate isn’t the same person you initially met – and neither are you. We don’t remain the same people over the course of a lifetime: emotionally, mentally, and certainly not physically. Physical strength may deteriorate but growth occurs in other areas. In any long term relationship you get to be with a continually changing person. Every person your mate becomes is someone new to discover. The key to enduring connection is to let them know that you “see” them for who they are in the present and love them even more than you did in the past.
Ageing with a partner requires acceptance of: physical changes; an inability to do what we once did; the varying cognitive deficiencies that occur as we get older. There will be times when you need your partner to support you and times when they need your support more. Regularly communicate with one another about your changing needs. Declining health presents many challenges but it also brings opportunities – moments when we can demonstrate our love and commitment to a person who means the world to us. Give your partner what they need to continue to feel loved and deeply valued by you.
Gratitude is the most important ingredient for thriving in your later years. Show appreciation and never take your loved one for granted. Enjoy every day you have with them. Lower your expectations and focus on what they can do rather than what is lost. Today’s abilities may be gone tomorrow so appreciate what you have now. Show one another every day how grateful you are to be sharing life together. You can enjoy the last chapter of your lives knowing that your love is stronger than ever.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243