Dr John Gottman, prolific relationships researcher, was addressing the executives of one of USA’s biggest tech companies. The CEO asked Dr Gottman “If you were to give just one piece of relationship advice, what would it be?” His answer was simply: “Support your partner’s dreams.” The CEO pondered this on his way home and came to the realisation that he had spent his whole married life in pursuit of his own career goals. His wife had played a vital part in helping him achieve these, yet he had no idea whether his wife had her own unfulfilled dreams. That evening, for the first time, he asked his wife and listened while she revealed all her personal ambitions.

Supporting one another’s dreams is a mutual process, with you and your partner each discussing and taking action together in pursuit of both of your dreams. Once you and your partner have come to understand what you each desire and why these desires are important to you, you can discuss how you can help each other achieve your dreams or to come to a compromise that you both can be satisfied with. Your involvement in your partner’s life dreams may come in different forms.

If your partner’s dreams are something that they need to accomplish on their own, you may be in a position to provide monetary funds so that your partner can achieve their dream. When having a conversation that includes this possibility, make sure that you discuss how this will work, if anything will have to be sacrificed, and how you can come to an agreement where you both feel comfortable with the outcomes. 

Another way that you can help your partner live out their dreams is to be their number one support system. This means contributing more to household chores, childcare, groceries, running errands, and helping with transportation. Often what is holding your partner back from living out their dreams are all of the commitments and responsibilities that take up their time. Relieving some of those duties, even the smallest of time commitments can make an immense impact on their abilities to accomplish their life goals. 

Your partner’s life dream could be personal, and the only kind of support you can give is by being there for them, listening to them, and being a stable and loving presence in their life. A dream requiring this kind of support may be a spiritual journey, a goal to emotionally recover from past hurts, or a time out to reflect on their life in order to reprioritise what is most important to them. 

Achieving your life dreams can be much more feasible with help from your partner. Often the process of pursuing your dreams with your partner will be more rewarding than the actual outcome. By working together, you will create memories along the way that will deepen the emotional connection in your relationship. Supporting one another to mutually realise your dreams is a pretty decent piece of relationship advice.

Linda Gray
 linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
 0401 517 243