There is an ancient Latin expression: maxima enim, patientia virtus, meaning patience is the greatest virtue. These days, it’s a virtue to which we give little consideration.

Patience is a quality that is under-utilised in today’s society. Like the typewriter, patience has become almost redundant. We don’t get many opportunities to exercise patience in order to function in today’s world, because most things are readily available. I have a lifelong friend who lives in Ireland. As kids, we would write letters to one another, asking each other questions we knew would take at least a month to be answered. Today we communicate through Messenger, and reply to one another in seconds. No patience required.
Patience is learnt in an environment where we are exposed to delays. Our daughter spent three months volunteering in Uganda. She looked after a house of 40 girls. There was one outside toilet – talk about patience! Cooking dinner outside on an open fire took hours. In Uganda, they know the meaning of patience because they live with it every day. Meanwhile, here in Australia everything we need is literally at our fingertips. This wires us for immediate gratification and, sadly, this is impacting on how we relate to one another. Our relationships suffer for lack of patience. Lack of patience leads to frustration which comes out in anger.
Patience is the capacity to tolerate challenges or delays without getting upset. Why do we need patience with one another? For starters, we operate at different speeds. Patience is staying calm when you’re stuck behind a driver who drives slower than you. Patience is slowing down to your kids’ pace when they’re struggling with their homework. Patience is refraining from jumping in and finishing another’s sentence because you want the conversation to move along quicker.
Patience breeds a calm, communicative approach that encourages others to listen to you rather than shut down. Most of our quarrels are sparked by a lack of patience. We have a pressing need to get OUR point across, so we jump in with our opinion, instead of patiently listening to the person and giving consideration to their viewpoint. Patience guards us from jumping to inaccurate conclusions. It allows us time to calmly think about the situation. When you’re patient, you take the time to understand, resulting in more profound connections. What would a community be like where we always showed patience to one another?
Practice patience more in your everyday life. It doesn’t have to be the big things. You could start by simply being patient when you’re stuck in traffic. Instead of becoming frustrated, try to relax and enjoy the ride. See your delays as opportunities for personal growth! By practising patience in everyday situations, you will be better prepared for challenging moments in a relationship.
Practising patience also means being patient with yourself. Accept that you will make mistakes and don’t be too hard on yourself. When you’re patient with yourself, you’ll find it easier to be patient with others.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243