Two of the roles that parents have in their children’s lives are to protect and to socialise. Often those roles are at odds with each other. I remember one of our son’s earliest experiences in socialising. He was our first-born so was not familiar with sharing his toys with a sibling. He was around six months old when I took him to a gathering where there were several children older than himself. As he sat on the floor with a toy that had taken his interest, another child came along and snatched it away. He didn’t cry but his expression conveyed confusion and he looked up at me as if to ask: “What just happened?” My mother’s heart wanted to scoop him up and take him back to the safe haven of home where everyone was kind to him. Instead, I told myself that this was his first lesson in learning that this world won’t always treat you justly. I sensed that this was the first of many unavoidable experiences that would build resilience and social skills into his life.

Parents balance a juggling act between protecting their children from situations that are harmful to their well-being, while helping them connect with a world outside the family. This is especially challenging as kids reach their teenage years and assert their independence. Home should be the launching pad where they learn what it means to be safe and what they need to survive. Children will copy your actions in preference to what you tell them, so it’s important to model safe behaviours and healthy boundaries.
Reducing restrictions over time gives your child room to demonstrate they can be trusted and make good decisions. Increased freedom comes through knowing your child is able to look after him or herself, and this is a reward for both of you. Encourage your child’s unique interests and hobbies, as they lead to independence and self-determination as well as social opportunities with peers who share the same interests.
Today’s parents have less control and more responsibility than previous generations. Never have there been so many influences intruding into the family home. Often, the message parents receive is that they shouldn’t impose their own values on their children. But if parents don’t teach their children values, the pervading culture will. Social influencers, large corporations, advertising agencies are relaying unhealthy values to our kids every day. Parents are often blamed for adolescent turmoil; however, the source is more likely to be culturally created problems than poor parenting.
In a culture with limited community support, the task of raising healthy, well-adjusted children is not an easy one. Time and energy are scarce commodities when parents work long hours at jobs that are often far from home. Be intentional with the available time you have with your children. Even household tasks done together can be an opportunity for meaningful conversation. Make your home a safe shelter from which your children will successfully launch into the world.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243