Covey’s Habit Three of Highly Effective Families is about putting the first things first. Most people clearly feel that family is their top priority. They would put family ahead of their own life. But looking at their daily routine might give little evidence of this. So much in our world demands our attention. Our ladder is sometimes leaning against the wrong wall. It’s easy to get caught up in the stimulation of the work environment and a certain standard of living at the expense of giving time to our kids. Covey says the place to start is not with the assumption that work is non-negotiable; it’s with the assumption that family is non-negotiable. That one shift of mindset opens the door to all kinds of creative possibilities. One positive to come out of the pandemic has been more flexible, family-friendly work options.

For some, home and work have changed places. The home environment runs at a frantic pace with rushed mornings followed by frenetic afternoons and evenings, spent accommodating children’s activities, homework, commutes, housework, yard work, the list goes on. By comparison, work seems like a refuge of grown-up sociability, scheduled breaks, competence, compensation and promotion. Let’s reclaim the refuge of home by making adjustments to our family routines.

Covey recommends two rituals that will help you prioritise your family in today’s busy world. The first is specific time set aside every week just for the family. Give children the opportunity to pick the activity. It might be a day trip on the weekend or an evening of fun at home. A family concert where the children get to show off their talent, baking together or a board game challenge. Get the calendar out and mark family time in so that no other events get in the way. Planning keeps us accountable.

The second ritual is one-on-one bonding times. Once a month we used to take turns having ‘date nights’ with one of our kids. When they were young a trip to MacDonalds was enough to light up their world. Of course, their tastes got more discerning as they grew! But it was the connection that counted most. These one-on-one occasions were where our most significant sharing and deepest bonding took place. Dates with your child convey the message “I want to spend time with you because you’re important to me”.

One-on-one is not just about parent and child. Every couple needs regular time out together to keep their relationship strong. Mum and dad’s relationship is central to how a family functions. When a couple prioritise each other the whole family benefits. The flow-on is synergy, insight and workability. Children get much of their sense of security from the way their parents respond to each other so invest time in your relationship.

Family together time and special dates are opportunities to put the first things first. Start planning your calendar this week and you’ll reap the benefits.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au