The Ending Loneliness Together research organisation recently released a landmark State of the Nation report. It found that one in three Australians feel socially isolated, concluding that we are in the grip of a loneliness epidemic. The report cites long work hours, rising cost of living, diminished neighbourhood connection and a general shrinking of social circles as contributing factors.

How do you increase your social circle? In addition to making new friends, consider rekindling former friendships. Think about why you drifted apart in the first place. Friendships typically fizzle out rather than dissolving because of a fight or a shift in shared values.
Proximity is a typical cause of friendship drift. If we don’t live within a reasonable distance to a friend, we tend not to make the effort to visit them. Sometimes lifestyle-related reasons are the cause. Camaraderie is built in sporting teams, mutual hobbies, interests or shared working environment. The majority of friendships don’t survive when the common denominator is gone.
It can be difficult to know where to start reconnecting. It requires an active effort to reach out. Sending a message or calling someone lets them know you are thinking of them. Take a slow and steady approach. The reasons a friendship paused are sometimes different for either person. There may need to be a repair before a reconnection can take place. Be willing to apologise even if you feel you didn’t do anything to intentionally hurt your friend. Sometimes that which we neglected to do can hurt more. Don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back or the response may not be what you anticipate. It may not be rejection; it could mean that the opportune time to reconnect is not necessarily now.
One of the most common ways people reconnect with old friends is at shared social gatherings. Be receptive to attending events such as reunions, social get-togethers, weddings and other celebrations. The unforced nature of these events can help those who have drifted apart reacquaint in a comparatively low-stress environment.
Sometimes, people seek out old friendships because they miss a part of who they were back then. Be honest with yourself about whether you’re wanting to reconnect with a particular period in your life, rather than seeking to reunite with a specific friend. You can’t go back into exactly the same friendship you had decades ago. Expecting your friend to be the same, idealised past version of themselves is not realistic. You have to rebuild a new relationship on the foundation of shared history, shared memories but different friendship.
Friendships change over time and it’s normal for longstanding friendships to go through periods of disconnection, but that also provides an opportunity to reconnect. There’s more to friendship than having things in common. Friendship is an investment of our time, energy and self. Whether old or new, true friendship is the connection we create when we invite someone into our world, and they invite us into theirs.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243