Over the past seven weeks we have been considering the late Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. We have learnt what it means to: be proactive; begin with the end in mind; put the first things first; think win-win; seek first to understand; synergise. The series ends this week with the final habit- ‘sharpen the axe’.

Two woodcutters in a forest competed to see who could produce the most chopped wood in a day. After an hour, the older man took a break while the younger man kept chopping. The younger man decided his opponent was already tiring. He felt confident of a victory. The breaks continued every hour throughout the day while the younger cutter relentlessly kept going. At the end of the day the younger man was shocked to see the other cutter’s pile of wood was double the size of his. “How is that possible?” he asked. “It’s simple.” the wise cutter replied. “Every time I took a break I was sharpening my axe.”

Sharpening your axe means taking time to regularly and consistently renew yourself. Covey suggests that this is necessary in four domains: physical, social, mental and spiritual. Physically, we can eat well, increase our activities and find ways to reduce our stress. Mentally, we can learn new skills and develop our talents. Socially, we can invest in our friendships and create opportunities to deepen them. Spiritually, we can renew our commitment to whatever gives our life meaning and purpose. While you can do these things independently, you can also sharpen the axe together as a family. Renewal activities done together builds family relationships. There is power in interdependent renewal.

Anything that is not attended to and renewed will break down, become disordered and deteriorate. Nothing neglected will remain as it was. Anyone who has a garden on the Mountain, will attest to that. In physics, the term is entropy which means that anything left to itself will eventually disintegrate until it reaches its most elemental form. All things need watching, working at and caring for. This also applies to our relationships, especially the family bonds which we often take for granted. In order to keep them at a consistent state we have to attend to them, or they will deteriorate over time.

The majority of couples who come for counselling are experiencing the effects of entropy. Like the young woodcutter, they have been working hard, directing their effort into necessary and legitimate activities. However, they failed to make time to stop and sharpen their axe – a process of renewing themselves and their relationship. Recognising the power of renewal within a couple relationship and within a family opens the door to all kinds of interaction and activities. These are the things that bond and unify a family while bringing renewal physically, socially, mentally and spiritually. Take time this week to consider how you can sharpen your blunt axe and ask your family members how you can help with sharpening theirs.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au