Welcome to a new year! I’m guessing we’re all a bit tentative when it comes to making plans for 2022.
Our world is currently unpredictable and it’s provoking an increase in general anxiety. Stability and predictability are essential ingredients for our mental wellbeing. This is particularly true for our children at this time.

One of my recent projects while spending a couple of weeks in-home quarantine, was to search through old family photos in order to create a photo wall. On opening one storage box I spied a battered red cutlery box. Immediately I was transported back to my childhood; memories of school holidays spent at my grandparents’ home and connections with my grandad. 

My grandad was not a social person. I know nothing of his family or upbringing and I expect years in the army did him no favours. But despite his gruff exterior, he had a soft heart. We connected over ice cream from the local van, trips to the lolly shop around the corner and the contents of the red cutlery box, dominoes, his favourite game. 

My grandparents lived in a tiny one-bedroom tenement flat one floor above the street. I would join Grandad in leaning out the open lounge window, watching the world go by. He was probably lost in his thoughts, battling his demons, but I was obliviously enjoying our little ritual … and keeping watch for the ice cream van! Time spent at my grandparents' was a predictable routine which, I only now appreciate, was an environment that made me feel secure and safe.

Every child has an acute sensory filter of the environment around them. In times of unpredictable crisis, they feel an array of sensations at an intense level. However, they lack the understanding or vocabulary to explain what they are feeling. As adults, we are able to rationalise sensations in our stomach, headaches or chest tightness as signs of anxiety. However, children do not yet have access to this tool. They look to the adults in their lives for reassurance and to make sense of what is happening. 

The most effective strategy for easing your child’s anxiety is to address your own. Our children are little sponges, experts at absorbing the emotions of their caregivers. While it’s not realistic to never be anxious in their constant presence, you can ease your child’s anxiety by being mindful of how you live out the new normal.

Providing consistency, structure and routine send a message to your child that their world is secure. Be consistent in answering your children’s concerns with honesty but also in a way that alleviates their fears. They need to hear that you can be relied on regardless of what is happening outside your home. Maintain a structure that works for your family: meals together, bedtime routines, a favourite family game, habits, traditions, celebrations. 

In an ever-changing world, family rituals and routines can easily fall by the wayside, but the prioritising of family activities ensures your grown-up children will cherish ‘red cutlery box’ memories, despite a pandemic.

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243