Frequently we hear of highly successful people whose lives have derailed; celebrities, athletes, musicians, models, business entrepreneurs. It is tragic when derailment has deadly consequences. Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston are names that come to mind. Elvis, Michael and Whitney’s talents were amazing gifts that ultimately became their burden. When their talents began to naturally decline, their essence – body, life and soul – declined with it. They had a belief that they were not good enough. On the day before her death, Whitney announced to her manager, “I’m going to hit that high note again”.

Any sphere that involves a healthy desire to achieve is susceptible to high note hunger. It manifests in every profession, in body image, in parenting, and even intimate relationships where the high note of intoxicating love is fleeting. Some spend their lives in relationship after relationship, or in pursuit of greater adventure or more challenging roles, in their quest to keep the high note alive. This exhausting marathon only makes us more and more hungry. Hitting the high note once, twice, many times can become addictive; it can make us think that we can’t live joyfully, full and satisfied with anything less than that.

What happens to each of us when we can no longer hit the high note? Who are we really without our latest success story? What happens to our identity?

Like some celebrities, we may medicate ourselves when running from the pain of not being able to hit the high note. Refusing to face our decline, is about avoiding the grief that comes when something wonderful ends. A healthier alternative is to embrace the reality that life is ever-changing and, due to the ageing process, you might never hit the high note again. When we are honest with ourselves and others, we render the hunger for the high note powerless. Naming our limitations exposes the truth and frees us from living with the fear of a lie. We allow the truth to shine and our craving for the illusive fantasy evaporates.

Lionel Richie recently gave an interview in which he was frank about how he could no longer hit the high notes like he used to. He described how he has made friends with the person he is now and he is thankful for the many notes he can sing. When he performs on stage and can no longer hit certain notes, he invites the audience to sing along. He is no longer under the pressure to be more than who he is.

When we stop chasing the high note and become more comfortable in our own skin, we see life, love and loss differently. We become hungrier for the real note rather than the high note. Real love, emotional maturity and security teach us that we are not born to be perfect or to continuously hit the high note; we are born to be present, whole and free. Allow a new note to be created within the reality of your every moment this week.

Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243