Last issue we looked at the Johari window. Now we consider how to achieve a healthier balance of open and hidden areas within the context of our relationships.

All of us have blind spots. They may be assumptions, behavioural patterns, biases, reactions. Driving blind spots occur when our vehicle’s structure gets in the way of our vision, with the possible result of a collision. Likewise, we carry baggage that gets in our way of seeing situations clearly, often resulting in damage to relationships. One way to avoid driving blind spots is to adjust our mirrors. In life we often have our mirrors pointing in the wrong direction. Before scrutinising another’s bias, it’s wise to adjust your mirror so you can examine your own. What assumptions have you made? What have you overlooked? Is there another valid perspective? Where has your bias originated?
Feedback from others is an effective way to expose blind spots. Who are the people whom you trust to have your best interests at heart? They are a valuable resource for feedback. Sometimes we have to give our friends permission to critique us. It requires humility and openness to change. It’s not a comfortable process but the result is a more authentic self with less hindrances in connecting with others.
Our facade exists for varying reasons. A facade can be a valid means of protection; for example, you wouldn’t want to divulge all about yourself to a scammer. Trust needs to be built before we reveal certain parts of our personality to another. In a healthy relationship our facade reduces at a comfortable pace and depth, resulting in a deeper understanding of each other. However, barriers can get in the way of our vulnerability, keeping us locked into a superficial persona that prevents us from feeling truly known and accepted.
Where do barriers to connection stem from? They originate in the Unknown area. Much of what is hidden here is a result of things done to us, rather than things we are responsible for. It’s impossible to get through life without being wounded. We store up the effects of our unprocessed, painful experiences in our hidden territory. They leak out in how we view the world, our attitudes, our beliefs about ourselves and others. They hijack our communication and sabotage our relationships. They are the motivators for our facade and our blind spots.
Exploring our facade and blind spots are opportunities to access the Unknown. We can do this process through self-reflection or in discussion with a trusted person. When we take time to explore why we behave, respond or think in a particular way, we shine a light on things hidden. In doing so, we stop the cycle of reactivity and become more intentional in how we live our life. The result is that our unknown area diminishes, and our blind spots decrease, as does our need for facades. Our interactions become authentic rather than superficial. We are able to more fully enjoy life in the open arena – a healthy way to live!
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243