Dr Les Parrott wrote an interesting book: Three Seconds: The power of thinking twice. According to psychology, there is a brief opportunity of three seconds where we can respond to our automatic impulses. We don’t usually consider alternatives to our impulses because they are unconscious habits embedded in the pathways of our brain. However, routine acceptance of our impulses involuntarily eliminates greater opportunities. Parrott identifies six common self-sabotaging impulses which we give into most of the time:

- The impulse to give up before trying. When we’re faced with a problem that seems beyond our control, we feel helpless and think that there’s nothing we can do about it. In reality we are not as helpless as we think. Empower yourself by focusing on what you know and what you can do rather than focusing on what you can’t. Instead of the impulse to think there’s nothing I can do, stop and think- what is it I can do in this situation.
- The impulse to shun a challenge because it seems daunting. Walt Disney said “It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” Anyone who has accomplished something remarkable has fixed their gaze on a goal which felt beyond their grasp. Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered you will never grow.
- The impulse to settle for the status quo. Many of us become stuck in a pattern of simply doing what happens to come our way. The antidote to this is to fuel your passions. Get a vision of what your future could be. After her marriage broke down, JK Rowling was a single mum on welfare in a city where she knew no-one. She had a dream and committed herself to writing. She is now the world’s most successful publisher, having sold a staggering number of books in excess of 500 million.
- The impulse to shirk responsibility. Defensiveness is a common default but taking ownership of mistakes and frailties eliminates this. Replace the response “it’s not my fault” with “how did I contribute to this?”. Do whatever is in your power to make corrections and repair damage.
- The impulse to do the mere minimum. We have a natural inclination toward the path of least resistance but this is what makes rivers and people crooked! An attitude of willingness to do whatever it takes rewards us with incredible impact. By doing more than expected you set yourself and others up for positive outcomes.
- The impulse to procrastinate. “Quit stewing and start doing!” We all have good ideas and intentions but we often fail to translate them into action. Confront the fear that holds you back. Make a list of your goals and steps you can take to achieve them. Be realistic about the personal cost and don’t expect it to be plain sailing.

The true test of eliminating the six impulses is found in your ability to let your second impulse emerge when almost everything within you resists. Start building this habit today.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au