On these cold winters’ nights, there is nothing I enjoy more than sitting beside our wood burner. With a fire going, of course! Sometimes the process of getting the fire started is easy, at other times it requires more work to fan into flame. I always start the process with a gas firelighter. Pressing the trigger sends out a small flame with the potential to keep a fire burning for hours.

Perhaps you’ve heard the vernacular phrase “I’m feeling triggered”. What exactly is a personal trigger? Triggers are any experiences that set off an immediate emotional reaction which is excessive and lasts longer than what makes sense for the event. They are not the same as an understandably strong emotional response to a genuinely traumatic event.
Some people use the phrase “I’m feeling triggered” as an accusation against the person who has seemingly said or done the wrong thing. This reaction supposes that they have been “made to feel” a certain way. The offended person becomes the victim while blame is directed toward the one who ‘pressed the trigger’. In actuality, the response is not about the trigger itself.
Consider the plastic firelighter I use to ignite my fire. The trigger is a piece of plastic that on its own is incapable of producing flame. The fire is produced by the combining of the gas inside the lighter and the wood in the firebox. The trigger simply brings the fuel together. If there is no fuel to begin with, the trigger can be pressed all day without a reaction.
When it comes to personal triggers, it’s the fuel inside us that creates a response. Internal fuel can pile up through events which leave us with hurt, shame, rejection, fear. Let’s say my friend made a comment
“I don’t think that shirt is a good colour on you”. If I have no fuel associated with the comment I respond with
“I wondered about that. Thanks for the feedback.” But, if in my history I was teased or shamed about my clothing, I would be more likely to have a strong emotional reaction of either anger, embarrassment or humiliation.
A trigger response can be an emotion, a physical sensation or a memory. In severe triggers, such as PTSD, all three can be present. Triggers are a stimulus-response process; however, our reactions happen so fast that they erase the distance between stimulus and response, making us feel like they’re the same thing.
Learning to cope with triggers you can’t anticipate or avoid requires effort. Recognise your personal triggers through self-awareness, slowing down the process. Responses can be lessened by mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing, being in the present, meditations, journalling and calming activities. Exploring the fuel that ignites your responses will increase your understanding and ultimately empower you to detach from your triggers. If you regularly feel triggered and unable to cope with situations or feelings that arise, seek help. You don’t have to endure this alone.
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243