For the past few weeks, I have gone through the process of applying cancer-killing cream to my face. While the end result will hopefully be worth it, the journey is confronting. Besides the discomfort, walking past a mirror is a scary experience! When it comes to venturing out in public, face masks irritate and make-up stings, so covering up is not an option. The fiery mess of what looks like contagious sores draws notable attention. Not wishing to explain to every person I encounter, I’m faced with the continual decision, do I explain to this person or politely smile?

The dilemma of when and with whom to share personal information is a common experience. We vacillate between sharing information too soon or struggling to open up at all. Sharing is a way to increase emotional connection in a relationship, but it can also lead to regret that you opened up too much about personal details. Likewise, those who find it harder to open up about themselves may desire more than superficial connections. It’s important to find the optimal balance in which you share the right amount of information which is received as you hoped. W.A.I.T. is a helpful acronym to consider before sharing.

Want. Do you actually want to share the information with this person? If you are having any doubts, or if there is any part of you that feels uncomfortable with the idea of sharing the information, don’t feel like you have to disclose something personal. There are certain exceptions. Accountability within a relationship requires that we may be required to uncomfortably disclose things we’re not proud of. However, as a general rule, if another person will not be harmed by keeping the information to yourself, it’s okay not to share.

Appropriate relationship, time and place. Make sure you keep within the relationship’s boundaries. Disclosing intimate details of your marriage problems with your boss at work will result in a sharing hangover. Sharing within an appropriate relationship also requires choosing the right time and place so that the other person is receptive to hear what you have to say.

Immunise the person. No, this doesn’t involve jabbing them with a needle! Just like a vaccine slowly builds immunity, providing a low dose of information will help you gauge how they are likely to react. It also prepares them for discussing the topic. It gives them the option to ask you questions or to change the subject, indicating if they are ready to hear.

Trust. Time is a crucial factor in establishing a trustful relationship. You might meet someone and feel an immediate connection, but sharing too quickly before really getting to know the person may result in regret. Saving personal information can actually increase intimacy and provide the best context when you are finally ready to share.

Whether you are explaining the condition of your face or disclosing much deeper issues, the W.A.I.T. principle can be a helpful guide to consider.

Linda Gray
0401 517 243
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au